I just wanted to share a snippet with you of my own personal journey with Love & Logic. Last year, I was experimenting with the energy drain with a particularly challenging student in my class. When it was time to put my energy back, this kid was LOVING it. Everything I suggested, he thought would work great. He was checking off so many things from the list and even wanted to do more - I was running out of ideas. If I'm being honest, I was annoyed, though I didn't show him that. I wanted him to feel some remorse for draining my energy. As you pointed out, I was stuck in the "punishment" mentality. I was so set on getting to this kid with the energy drain - I wanted him to feel the drain like I did. I tried it again the next day. Again, he was so eager to put my energy back and I was annoyed. This went on for a week - him draining my energy and being excited to put it back, and then me being annoyed that it didn't seem to be working. By the end of the week, it hit me. That's when the realization of the Love & Logic approach happened for me. The energy drain was working - and working in a way that would create fewer problems and less work for me. This wasn't my problem at all - it was his. This is what I hadn't even realized was happening: All week this kid and I had worked on our relationship - he learned that I cared about him too much to let the behavior continue and that I believed in him and his ability to solve his own problems. All week he had felt successful at something. All week he had learned important lessons about fixing his problems on his own. This wasn't about making him feel remorse or empathy for me - quite the opposite. It was about me showing sincere empathy for him and empowering him by handing the problem back to him. Behaviors did improve, though it took lots of time and consistency. Once I shifted my focus, it was much easier for me to have empathy! I wish more parents, educators, and anyone who works with or around kids could get this training. It is such a game changer!
Dan
How my family finally got what it deserved. When I first heard about love and logic, I was skeptical to say the least. I had some friends who were in one of Chris' Love and Logic classes and were encouraging my wife and I to attend. I felt that I didn't need some guy with a degree preaching to me about how to be a "good" parent. I was offended that my friends would even suggest it, like they felt I could do better than what I was doing. I had spent most of my adult life in the military, and had a mindset that went along with that lifestyle. Subordinates should do what they are told, when they are told. Children were no exception. As a combat veteran, I also had issues with anger. I did not go to any of the classes, but had a chance to listen to Chris give an introduction to Love and Logic at a school function about a year later. The methods he talked about seemed like they might work, but only for someone else, and not for me. I considered attending one of the local series of classes he was hosting, but for some reason I didn't. I did realize that I was not being the father my children deserved. I did a lot of yelling and was angry over small things. The next time the opportunity arose to take the session of classes, I went to the first one, still skeptical. I won't go into the content of the classes, because I would not do it justice. However, I can say the skills and information I acquired have given my wife and I an opportunity to raise our children to be the best people they can be. Our family still does some yelling, but now instead of in anger, it is usually in excitement at a game we are playing or while running around in the back yard. Our children are learning problem solving skills and have become better behaved in school. The all around change that has taken place in my family is nothing short of amazing. If someone is hesitant to commit to this for his or her self, then I would encourage him or her to commit for the family.
Dan
I wanted to take a moment to thank you for the opportunity you are supporting within the La Crosse School District. I have had the good fortune of attending the current offering of Love and Logic taught by Chris Peterson. Chris is an outstanding trainer. Perhaps the most impactful component of this offering is that it is setting a course for a different future for our community. As a family therapist who provided court ordered parenting classes in Dane County, the training was coming too late and in a method that created resistance instead of real-life applications. The Love and Logic framework is easy to understand, supports the parents to learn ways to retain control of themselves and the situation when emotions are high and makes it ok to take a step away when the emotions get too high. These are all brilliant. What's even more brilliant is your support of sharing this type of information to families for free. As more families are exposed to the training, tips will be shared beyond the participants of the course and so many lives will be positively impacted. Research shows that one caring, loving adult can change the course of a child's life. You are starting a change in thinking, and fundamentally providing healthy tools to parents that may have only learned violence and abuse in their own childhood homes. And these parents are obtaining this knowledge as just "one of a crowd" of healthy La Crosse school district parents and not labeled by "court ordered". Again, THANK YOU for your forward thinking, your support of preventive actions, and for bringing this type of change to our district.
Brenda Brault
My husband and I have two daughters in the Holmen School District and I took the course this past year and loved it. I wanted to pass along my very positive experience with the Love and Logic classes taught by Chris. Chris facilitated weekly classes for parents on behavior topics, teaching kids to be respectful and responsible individuals and other topics parents wanted to discuss. It was a great class and so practical - I can't say enough good things about it and the way Chris facilitated. I know how busy everyone is and all the requests/emails/questions you must get from parents, teachers and the general public, but I feel so strongly about this because it’s a great tool for families and teachers as well…plus it brings another positive resource to our community. I had mentioned it to the Viking PTO and it sounds like they have other projects happening, but I’m wondering if any other Holmen schools might be interested in this. I’d be happy to help coordinate this any way I can – this isn’t a “sales call,” but rather a testimonial to mention how effective this is and how good this would be for parents in our community. Whether classes could be held at one of the schools, in coordination with the PTO’s or any other suggestions you have, we’d be up for hearing them. Thank you for your consideration and for all you do – I am happy to say we are happy parents of happy children who attend Viking Elementary and the Holmen Middle School.
Jennifer Olson
I have seen you present a few different times and I take something new away each time. I think your message is powerful and helpful. I love the points you make about instilling confidence in our kids…it’s so important and your methods help build authentic confidence. Frankly, I think your message works with children of all ages (adults). I think one of our struggles is that we have a lot of folks who are struggling and don’t feel they have the tools to get out of the struggle. Your work helps with that. Thanks for all the work you have done with our District.
